“I am so ready to leave Dallas – Fort Worth” were words I shouted in frustration nearly 20 years ago. I was having a particularly difficult time financially, hated my job, had lost friends and a romantic relationship had just ended. I was ready for a new start and figured with all of the seemingly bad things happening that God was showing me that it was time to move somewhere else. But the more I planned to leave, the more I felt like I was stuck in Texas. The jobs that I applied for in these other places didn’t work out. It seemed like the more I tried to plan my exit, the more things kept pointing at me staying here. And I was not happy about it!
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation where you wanted to leave, quit, or just be somewhere else? So many of us may have felt like that now with the isolation and uncertainty of the recent Covid-19 pandemic. Opportunities that you hoped would work out for you may have led to yet another dead end. Or worse, left you feeling frustrated and even forsaken by God.
Fortunately, I’ve found myself in that situation more than once. I say fortunately and not unfortunately because I’ve learned that it is during those times when I felt the most vulnerable, forgotten, and isolated that God was working the hardest for me and with me. For example, seeking answers to questions like “why am I still here?” made my prayers more vigilant and focused. Sometimes when we ask that question of why God allows us to remain in an unbearable situation (like a job, relationship, or church that we don’t like), we rationalize it by saying that God wants us to learn something at that level in preparation for the next level of our lives. But sometimes it’s for an even more fascinating reason: He wants those who mistreat us, talk badly about us, or seek to harm us to see how much He loves us. Psalms 23:5 paints a picture of what that looks like: “You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.”
It could be that God allows us to remain in those difficult situations because he wants us to develop an unshakeable trust in Him and the promises in His word. Having conversations with others who have experienced this same thing also makes me wonder if sometimes God allows us to remain in certain uncomfortable circumstances because he wants those who seek to harm us, damage our reputations, and question our spiritual integrity to see how much God can bless us. Like David who wrote Psalm 23 and suffered greatly at the hands of close friends and enemies, it could be that keeping you in tough situations isn’t about you but about others who are watching how you go through: will it be as one who blesses God or one who bitterly complains?
Shewanda Riley is a Fort Worth-based author of “Love Hangover: Moving From Pain to Purpose After a Relationship Ends” and “Writing to the Beat of God’s Heart: A Book of Prayers for Writers.” Email her at preservedbypurpose@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter @shewanda.