Does relationship equal purposeful connection? I thought about this recently as I sat mesmerized watching too many hours of those infamous courtroom TV shows during a recent battle with a cold that had me stuck at home and in bed. From Judge Greg Mathis to Judge Lauren Lake, daytime TV offers a peculiarly intriguing display of the best and worst of human relationships. I’m not sure what it says about me that I consider watching these shows a guilty pleasure. I really shouldn’t watch them, but I just can’t resist sometimes. I even try to convince myself that it’s “research” for my writing.
These shows also make me reevaluate how easily we can be fooled into believing that we have a connection with others because there is a superficial external relationship. After seeing the negative aftereffects (paternity tests, lawsuits, name calling and outright cruelty) of all that “connection,” it seems like the external relationship sometimes masks an internal disconnection. The relationships on these television shows seem to be more about convenience than connection. Numerous couples discuss how they began living together after a few short weeks or days of meeting each other. One couple even proudly shared how they got married after just 2 weeks of knowing each other.
It seems like some are more concerned about the temporary satisfying convenience of sharing their lives with anybody than with preparing themselves for something more meaningful: building a permanent bond with someone with whom they might have a purposeful connection. The couples on these shows are examples of where there is convenience, there is often disconnection especially from purpose.
It could be that the disconnection comes from a poor understanding or even worse: a hardening of the heart as a result of past hurts and not properly dealing with those past hurts. This results in no connection or worse a connection that’s weak. Unfortunately, this is what we see so often on these shows and, for some of us, in our lives.
Connecting to others is made easier when we reconnect with God. Ephesians 4:23-24 talks about the renewing of the mind which creates a new self and allows us to be honest with others. “and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” This renewal often means that we stop seeing ourselves as we’d wish we were but acknowledge who we are through the eyes of God.
Can you achieve your purpose by being connected to others? Some would say yes because after all you are doing the work. Others would say no because no one achieves success in a vacuum. What does purpose have to do with connection? When allowed purpose forces acknowledgement of vulnerabilities. Oftentimes, authentic connection can heal the wounds that come from vulnerabilities. Once acknowledged, letting go of vulnerabilities can make you more open to healthy, authentic connections with others which will ultimately help you achieve your God-given purpose.
Shewanda Riley is a Texas -based author who can be reached at preservedbypurpose@gmail.com or you can follow her on Twitter @shewanda.