Overview:

Shewanda Riley, a Dallas-based author, shares her experience of overcoming perfectionism and finding strength in the process of writing. She recounts a conversation with a student who struggled with starting a paper due to fear of making mistakes. Riley relates to this struggle, as she once felt unprepared to write about love and relationships due to her own painful experiences. She emphasizes that the key to success is to start and not to judge oneself harshly, as writing is a process that perfects us. Riley's book "Love Hangover" has impacted many lives, but her biggest success is knowing that God's plan was present all along.

A few weeks ago, I celebrated my 21st year teaching English at Tarrant County College.   

Now, I can chuckle when I remember how nervous I was when I first started teaching. I knew that I loved writing but wasn’t sure how to get others to love it too. In fact, the key to my teaching strategy was to get my students to love English as much as I do.  

Once, I had a student who confided in me about her difficulty getting started writing a paper.  She didn’t want to write anything wrong and wanted it to be right the first time.  

As a result, she didn’t write anything at all!

I related to her when I heard her say this because she reminded me of myself and others who struggle with perfectionism.  Because we want everything to be “perfect” the first time and hate having to redo anything, we appear to be slow getting started.  In some instances, if it appears too difficult, we never start at all and just move onto something else.

 I told her that she’d have to let go of some of those perfectionistic ways if she wanted to be a successful writer. The key was to just start writing something and not to judge herself so harshly just because she had a tough time getting started. Because writing is a process, the fruitfulness of one’s results is not just the finished product. Going through the process of writing is where we find our strength and some of our best work.   

Just as my student told me that she just didn’t feel like she was really ready or prepared to write, I remembered the many times I’d told God the same thing. And a few times where I’d told Him even more. 

At one time, I was still struggling with some of the more painful parts of the rejection of failed relationships. I didn’t feel at all like I was the best person to write books about love and relationships.  In fact, I remember telling God once in prayer that he was making a mistake by trying to use me since I’d had so many failures with my personal, romantic relationships.  I even wanted to wait until I was through with my emotional roller coaster before I started writing anything about relationships.

Looking back, I see how God used what I considered my imperfections to “perfect” my walk with Him.  The process of stepping out in faith and obedience has changed my life.  Seeing my book ‘Love Hangover’ doing so well was wonderful and a confirmation that God was pleased with my efforts.  And even though that book was published in 2003, I still get emails and social media messages from people about how that book has impacted their lives.   

However, my biggest success isn’t the book itself. It’s in knowing that even though I worked out my own “issues” while writing the book, God’s plan was present all along.  What He wanted to happen for me was made manifest.

God didn’t want or expect me to be “perfect” when I started.  He wanted me to learn that getting “perfect” results is an admirable goal, but the most important thing is us successfully completing the process that perfects us.     

Shewanda Riley is a Dallas, Texas based author of “Love Hangover: Moving from Pain to Purpose After a Relationship Ends” and “Writing to the Beat of God’s Heart: A Book of Prayers for Writers.”   Email her at preservedbypurpose@gmail.com or follow her on Instagram @shewandawrites.