A few years ago, I went through a frustrating email exchange with a coworker. It started with her having a few questions about what I taught in my classes. It wasn’t really her business but in the spirit of collegiality, I responded to her email. She then sent me another email with more questions. Hoping to clear up her confusion, I sent her a longer email with more clarity (at least I thought) on those questions. I sent the email satisfied that the dialogue was over and that she had the information she wanted.
However, two days later, she sent me another email restating that I still hadn’t answered the questions to her satisfaction. Now, I was getting irritated because I was now distracted by her emails. I prayed for greater insight into what she wanted as I reread her emails and my responses. One thing became clear: I didn’t have an answer to her questions. I was wasting time trying to give her something I didn’t have and frustrating myself in the process. Once I got this revelation, I sent her back an email that stated that I did not have an answer for her and that someone else could help her out. She then sent me another email restating that she wanted an answer from ME. Now, it was bordering on harassment. This time my email response was that that I didn’t have an answer and that was MY final answer.
I felt such a great peace of mind when I sent the final email. Yet, she wasn’t satisfied and sent me another email reminding me that I still didn’t answer her question. I realized that me not having an answer bothered her more than it bothered me that I didn’t have an answer. I chuckled to myself because I saw my being okay with not having an answer as a sign that I’d matured both emotionally and spiritually. Normally, I thought I should always have an answer and that people should have an answer for me. According to my parents, that’s part of the reason why I got into so much trouble as a child: I asked too many questions.
Without realizing it, I see how I’ve done the same thing at times in my relationship with God. I’ve spent unnecessary emotional and spiritual energy trying to get God to respond without realizing that I’d gotten my answer (silence). Like my co-worker, it wasn’t the answer I wanted, so I persisted in asking questions that had already been answered. Isaiah 58:9 says, “Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say ‘Here I am.” When we call out to God for an answer to a question, sometimes the response is simply “I’m here.” Once we accept God’s answer of “I’m here,” peace will replace frustration and we will have a more intimate fellowship with him. Even though we may not get the answer we think we want, we will get the answer we need: a closer walk with him.