By Sherilyn Smith
Am I breaking down, breaking out, or breaking through?
They can feel surprisingly similar.
Each can come with a heavy weight. Each carries emotions. Each can bring sleepless nights, unanswered questions, uncomfortable conversations, tears you didn’t expect to cry, and thoughts that seem to have thoughts of their own.
And sometimes, Sister Friend, you don’t know which one you’re experiencing until you stop long enough to evaluate where you really are.
A breakdown can happen when you’ve carried too much for too long. You’ve been strong for everybody. You’ve answered the calls. Fixed the problems. Met the deadlines. Taken care of the children. Checked on the family. Prayed for your friends. Showed up at work. Parent your parents. Worked. Smiled when you didn’t feel like smiling.
And somewhere in all that showing up, you stopped checking on you.
Then there is breaking out.
Breaking out requires recognizing that something no longer has permission to hold you where you’ve been. It may be a relationship, a friendship, a job, a mindset, an expectation, a habit, or even an outdated version of yourself.
Breaking out can be uncomfortable because freedom requires movement.
Sometimes God will show you that the space that once fit you has become too small for the woman you are becoming.
And then comes the breakthrough.
Oh, we love to celebrate the breakthrough!
But we don’t always talk about what came before it.
The stretching.
The disappointment.
The waiting.
The closed doors.
The headaches.
The anguish.
Restless nights.
The assumed unanswered prayers or perhaps the prayers God answered differently than we requested or expected.
The moments when you questioned whether you heard God correctly.
Breakthroughs often come after something in us has been broken, challenged, surrendered, released, or changed.
That’s why evaluation is so important.
Before you label your season, sit with it.
Ask yourself: What is this season trying to teach me? What needs my attention? What needs to change? What am I carrying that was never mine to carry? What responsibility belongs to me? And what do I need to release?
Give yourself grace while you answer those questions.
Receive the grace. Understand the situation.
Grace does not mean accepting unhealthy behavior, remaining in harmful environments, ignoring boundaries, or pretending something doesn’t hurt.
Grace gives you room to process without condemning yourself.
You can acknowledge that something hurt you and still heal.
You can love someone and establish boundaries.
You can appreciate what something once meant to you and recognize that it no longer serves where you’re going.
You can admit that you made a mistake without deciding that the mistake defines you.
And you can change your mind when wisdom gives you new information.
The key is learning to decipher the lesson from the load.
Because they are not the same.
The lesson is what you take with you.
The load is what you put down.
Take the wisdom.
Take the discernment.
Take the clarity.
Take the boundaries.
Take the deeper understanding of yourself.
Take the reminder of who God created you to be.
But Sister Friend, you don’t have to take the bitterness. You don’t have to carry the shame. You don’t have to drag yesterday’s disappointment into tomorrow’s possibilities.
Learn the lesson. Leave the load.
Then make the necessary adjustments.
Some adjustments will be small. Others may require courage you didn’t know you had.
You may need to say no.
You may need to finally say yes.
You may need to apologize.
You may need to forgive without reconnecting.
You may need to rest.
You may need to start again.
You may need to stop explaining yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you.
You may simply need to get quiet enough to hear what God has been trying to tell you.
Whatever the adjustment is, make it.
Because whether you’re breaking down, breaking out, or breaking through, you can survive it and you can thrive through it.
A breakdown doesn’t have to be your ending.
Breaking out doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
And a breakthrough doesn’t mean the journey is over.
Each season can reveal something about you. Each can teach you something. Each can move you closer to the woman God is calling you to become if you’re willing to be honest about where you are.
So today, don’t rush to make everything look okay.
Get quiet.
Evaluate.
Pray.
Feel what you need to feel.
Receive grace.
Make the adjustment.
Take the lesson.
And put down the load.
You may discover that what felt like you were breaking down was actually the beginning of you breaking out.
And what felt like you were breaking out was God preparing you for your breakthrough.
Sister, Friend we will be well.
