By Sherilyn Smith

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4

I trust God with everything.

My life.
My son.
My home.
My career.
My health.
My purpose.

So why wouldn’t I trust Him with my future husband?

Recently, I was spending time with some of my dearest Sister Friends. Around the room were women in different seasons married, engaged, dating, and single. Different experiences. Different stories. Different lessons. Yet as our conversation became more transparent, we found ourselves connected by something very similar: the desires of our hearts surrounding one of the most intimate relationships we can experience on earth the relationship between a husband and wife.

And Sister Friend, the conversation was good!

Our conversation was not about what he looks like, what he does for a living, what he drives, or the superficial checklist that’s created when imagining “the one.”

We talked about seeing him beyond the skin while still loving the skin that he’s in.

Seeing the man.

Seeing his heart.

Seeing the little boy who once had dreams before the responsibilities of manhood arrived.

Seeing the places where life may have bruised him but never made him less worthy of love.

Seeing his strength while also creating a safe place for his vulnerability.

I want my husband to know that he is safe with me.

Safe to dream.

Safe to laugh.

Safe to tell me what scares him.

Safe to share what he doesn’t have figured out.

Safe to be transparent without ever wondering if something he trusted me with will later become ammunition during a disagreement.

I want to support his dreams, respect his morals and values, celebrate his victories, pray with him through uncertainty, and remind him of who he is when life temporarily causes him to forget.

But listen, Sister Friend we also talked about having lots of FUN!

I want us to laugh until our stomachs hurt.

I want playful moments and inside jokes that nobody else understands.

Flirty little games that keep his imagination exploring.

Sweet surprises.

Unexpected kisses.

Dates when we’re dressed to impress and evenings when we’re perfectly content doing absolutely nothing.

I want us to remain curious about one another.

Because love shouldn’t become predictable simply because it becomes permanent, yet may it always reciprocate.

Our expressions of love don’t have to have limits. There should always be a sweet curiosity that says, I’m still learning you.

Your love language.

Your dreams.

Your touch.

Your silence.

Your laughter.

Your heart.

And yes, we even started creating the funniest, most unique and eclectic pet names for our future husbands! Not something everybody calls him. Something that belongs to us. Something that, when I say it, he immediately knows exactly who is speaking to him.

Then I thought about something even deeper.

Even in our difficult days and differences, we battle the situation and not each other, fairly. 

Fight fairly means we must discuss what this means and how it looks to one another and abide in the fair.

I want the kind of connection where we can communicate from across a crowded room without moving our lips.

One look.

One smile.

One raised eyebrow.

And the message is completely understood.

I see you.

I’m with you.

I’m proud of you.

It’s time to go.

Or maybe…

Just wait until we get home.

LOL! Sister Friend, we are grown!

But underneath the laughter is something sacred.

You are the one my soul loves.

Praying.

Healing.

Learning.

Growing.

Becoming.

Enjoying life.

Preparing my heart not for a perfect man, yet for a purposeful partnership.

I don’t know when my King will arrive, but I refuse to spend the waiting season staring at the door.

There’s too much life to live.

Too much purpose to fulfill.

Too much laughter to experience.

Too much work God is still doing in me.

So while God is preparing him, I’m allowing God to continue preparing me.

And when he arrives, I want to recognize him with wisdom, not loneliness. Discernment, not desperation. Peace, not pressure.

I want to be able to say, There you are.

And if you are already with your King, remind him.

Tell him you see him.

Celebrate him.

Flirt with him.

Laugh with him.

Pray for him.

Create something that belongs only to the two of you.

And never become so familiar with his presence that you forget to appreciate the answered prayer standing in front of you.

And Sister Friend, if you’re still waiting like me, stay wise, stay smart, stay intentional, stay prayerful, and stay ready.

Don’t lower your standards because you’re tired of waiting.

Don’t confuse attention with intention.

Don’t allow loneliness to negotiate what wisdom already told you.

And don’t put your life on hold waiting for love to arrive.

Live.

Laugh.

Heal.

Travel.

Dream.

Serve.

Grow.

Become.

Trust the same God you trust with everything else with this part of your heart too.

I certainly do.

And somewhere in God’s timing, I believe there will be a moment when faith, preparation, friendship, attraction, laughter, safety, purpose, and love beautifully meet.

Until then, I’ll keep becoming the woman I am called to be.

And when my King arrives?

Well…I’ll keep his pet name between him and me.

But he’ll know.

With one look across the room, he’ll know exactly what my heart is saying:

You are the one my soul loves.